Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
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- Create Date：2021-05-31 08:53:55
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Pamela Druckerman
- ISBN：0143122967
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Summary
The runaway New York Times bestseller that shows American parents the secrets behind France's amazingly well-behaved children
When American journalist Pamela Druckerman had a baby in Paris， she didn't aspire to become a "French parent。" But she noticed that French children slept through the night by two or three months old。 They ate braised leeks。 They played by themselves while their parents sipped coffee。 And yet French kids were still boisterous， curious， and creative。 Why？ How？
With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag， Druckerman set out to investigate—and wound up sparking a national debate on parenting。 Researched over three years and written in her warm， funny voice， Bringing Up Bébé is deeply wise， charmingly told， and destined to become a classic resource for American parents。
When American journalist Pamela Druckerman had a baby in Paris， she didn't aspire to become a "French parent。" But she noticed that French children slept through the night by two or three months old。 They ate braised leeks。 They played by themselves while their parents sipped coffee。 And yet French kids were still boisterous， curious， and creative。 Why？ How？
With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag， Druckerman set out to investigate—and wound up sparking a national debate on parenting。 Researched over three years and written in her warm， funny voice， Bringing Up Bébé is deeply wise， charmingly told， and destined to become a classic resource for American parents。
Reviews
Heather
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Audio book
Karla
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Humor and straight forward logic
Mari
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Erinomainen， viihdyttävä， opettavainen。 Yllätyin todella positiivisesti tästä kirjasta。 Ostin heräteostoksena， luin puolet yhdessä päivässä ja kesken lukemisen koin tarvetta alkaa alleviivailemaan tärkeitä ajatuksia。Tämä ei ole mikään oppikirja tai tietokirja。 Teemana on vauvanhoito， vanhemmuus ja kasvatus ”Pariisin malliin”。 Lukiessa toki poimii tekstistä itseään kiinnostavat asiat， ja kaikkea en sisällöstä allekirjoita hyvänä vinkkinä。 Mutta se ei mielestäni olekaan tämän kirjan pointti。 Kirja Erinomainen， viihdyttävä， opettavainen。 Yllätyin todella positiivisesti tästä kirjasta。 Ostin heräteostoksena， luin puolet yhdessä päivässä ja kesken lukemisen koin tarvetta alkaa alleviivailemaan tärkeitä ajatuksia。Tämä ei ole mikään oppikirja tai tietokirja。 Teemana on vauvanhoito， vanhemmuus ja kasvatus ”Pariisin malliin”。 Lukiessa toki poimii tekstistä itseään kiinnostavat asiat， ja kaikkea en sisällöstä allekirjoita hyvänä vinkkinä。 Mutta se ei mielestäni olekaan tämän kirjan pointti。 Kirjan pointti on herättää lukijassa ajatuksia ja omaa pohdintaa， kertoa vaihtoehtoisista tavoista toimia。Tämä kirja on myös hauska ja viihdyttävä。 Se myös herättää paljon ajatuksia ja tuottaa ahaa-elämyksiä。 Kerrassaan hyvä kokonaisuus: 5/5。 。。。more
Emily Blasik
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When I started reading this book back in January， I thought it would be the only parenting book I'd ever need。 From what I gathered via the synopsis and reviews， French kids are apparently très sage， eat everything they're served， and don't require the constant attention of their parents。 Sign me up， I thought！ How do I raise a French kid？Well， you don't。 Apparently， they're just born that way。I'm joking， sort of。 Obviously， the culture and parenting styles popular in France play a huge role in When I started reading this book back in January， I thought it would be the only parenting book I'd ever need。 From what I gathered via the synopsis and reviews， French kids are apparently très sage， eat everything they're served， and don't require the constant attention of their parents。 Sign me up， I thought！ How do I raise a French kid？Well， you don't。 Apparently， they're just born that way。I'm joking， sort of。 Obviously， the culture and parenting styles popular in France play a huge role in how little French girls and boys turn out， but if you're looking for a step-by-step manual on how to train your toddler to play independently， politely say "hello" to everyone they meet， and stop throwing food at mealtimes—you're not going to find it here。 While there are some gems of wisdom in Bringing Up Bébé， I found most of the advice around disciplining youngsters difficult to put into practice。For example， Druckerman explains that French parents don't tell their kids "no" very often， but when they do， they are 100% convicted in their response。 When a child senses that level of seriousness—no yelling necessary—they are more likely to listen and obey。 （Okay， cool， but what if they don't？ I too am serious about my "no，" but that doesn't keep my kid from disobeying me time and time again。）French parents consider themselves to be strict—especially when it comes to hitting/biting， mealtimes， and respecting others—but prefer to give their children lots of freedom in other areas。 They have a cadre or "frame" for daily life， and the children respect those boundaries for the most part。 （Sure， sounds great in theory， but how does one go about creating a cadre that a toddler will understand and stick to？） Children are allowed a bêtise， or small act of naughtiness， every once in a while—and the parent's job is not to punish， but to lead in their éducation， or what the French refer to as the ongoing process of teaching kids skills and values。 （What's the difference between a small act of naughtiness versus a big one？ Does spitting out his milk all over the floor count as small？ How about throwing the remote control on the ground repeatedly？）Perhaps my favorite: Don't drop everything the second your child wants something。 Make them wait their turn， lest they become really good at whining and getting their way。 （Again， I totally agree; we should be teaching our kids patience！ But typically， telling my kid to wait only results in a temper tantrum of monumental proportions。 And if I'm not supposed to punish him， how do I respond to that？ Ignore him？ Scowl at him？）Okay， you get the point。 Overall， I enjoyed the commentary on French parenting and how the culture compares to ours。 But my reason for the 3-star rating is that it reads more like memoir of one American mother's experience living in France—still fun！—than an actual how-to guide。。。 And as a mother of one very American （read: mischievous， wild-tempered， and disobedient） 18-month-old boy， I really was banking on something more useful。 。。。more
Tracy
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As a fellow American expat living in Europe， I found this book was great at exploring the differences in parenting culture between America and another （more socialist） country。 I found it had a lot of practical advice that mirrored how I can imagine wanting to parent one day， and was a great balance between her personal story and more science-backed recommendations on parenting。
ElizrdbthSpeaks
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i am not a mom but i found the doodle on the front so cute i couldn't resist！！ i found it at the Dollar Tree and got it for dollar 。。。 nothing is better。 well free。 but this was close enough。 fun read。 personally i just look forward to traveling to Paris one day 。。。 i sure hope so。 got a passport and would die to do that。 the memories 。。。 the dream i would hopefully carry through with 。。。 sure hope so？？！ must read。 i enjoyed it！ i am not a mom but i found the doodle on the front so cute i couldn't resist！！ i found it at the Dollar Tree and got it for dollar 。。。 nothing is better。 well free。 but this was close enough。 fun read。 personally i just look forward to traveling to Paris one day 。。。 i sure hope so。 got a passport and would die to do that。 the memories 。。。 the dream i would hopefully carry through with 。。。 sure hope so？？！ must read。 i enjoyed it！ 。。。more
Andreea
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Where Americans says kids are disciplined， the French say they're educatedOne night I remembered that I liked one of Pamela Druckerman’s columns in NYT （not to mention the odd Simon Kuper FT column） and ended up in a rabbit hole reading this in a couple of days as a form of curio。 It’s got a half-journalistic， half-anthropological bent to it， which makes it more informative and researched than the whole “why this European thing/habit is superior and everyone should copy it” genre of books ai Where Americans says kids are disciplined， the French say they're educatedOne night I remembered that I liked one of Pamela Druckerman’s columns in NYT （not to mention the odd Simon Kuper FT column） and ended up in a rabbit hole reading this in a couple of days as a form of curio。 It’s got a half-journalistic， half-anthropological bent to it， which makes it more informative and researched than the whole “why this European thing/habit is superior and everyone should copy it” genre of books aimed at Americans during the 2000s， often writes by foreign exchange students and expats。 It’s definitely interesting if you want to see how early the cultural differences start between the two oceans， or you happen to give birth to a baby in France， while not being French yourself。 。。。more
Annette Rice
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Overall this book was very entertaining and made me think a lot more about different types of parenting cultures and challenged my own beliefs about best parenting practices。 I'll definitely be using some of the strategies in my own family。 The only thing to keep in mind is that this is one person's experience with French culture AND with American culture。 There were many instances where her example of American parenting only represented one specific type of American parenting that doesn't ring Overall this book was very entertaining and made me think a lot more about different types of parenting cultures and challenged my own beliefs about best parenting practices。 I'll definitely be using some of the strategies in my own family。 The only thing to keep in mind is that this is one person's experience with French culture AND with American culture。 There were many instances where her example of American parenting only represented one specific type of American parenting that doesn't ring true for many other types of American parents。 With that said， the intent of this book was not written as a parenting how-to guide， but was very intriguing as a mother-to-be， as I figure out my own parenting style and practices。 。。。more
Lauren
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A fun read and good food for thought; the typical American parenting style isn't universal。 What's more， unlike many other parenting books I've read， this one is actually written well！ Druckerman's writing style is smart， self-deprecating， and laugh-out-loud funny。 I didn't love every French custom—I'm not going to only feed an infant four times a day—but that's not the point。 Read it and consider what what works for your family。 A fun read and good food for thought; the typical American parenting style isn't universal。 What's more， unlike many other parenting books I've read， this one is actually written well！ Druckerman's writing style is smart， self-deprecating， and laugh-out-loud funny。 I didn't love every French custom—I'm not going to only feed an infant four times a day—but that's not the point。 Read it and consider what what works for your family。 。。。more
Sara Saihati
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Something happened in the second half of the book。 It went from 5 stars to 3。 Her tone flipped。
Sunny Livingston
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Loved loved loved。 Hilarious and meaningful。
Theresa
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May bookclub read。 Thoughts: France knows what it is doing when it comes to early childcare and education！ But most of the advice seemed very common sense。 And it seemed like the American families she was using as her comparison against the French were of a very specific demographic。 When she "discovers" telling your children to wait， I was a bit incredulous。 There is no way that an American single mom working one or two jobs isn't telling her kids to "wait。" I liked reading about the French。 I May bookclub read。 Thoughts: France knows what it is doing when it comes to early childcare and education！ But most of the advice seemed very common sense。 And it seemed like the American families she was using as her comparison against the French were of a very specific demographic。 When she "discovers" telling your children to wait， I was a bit incredulous。 There is no way that an American single mom working one or two jobs isn't telling her kids to "wait。" I liked reading about the French。 I did a year abroad in France and in another life path could have married a Frenchman and been one of those French moms serving three course meals。 :） this book made me want cheese， a lot。 I didn't like the author much。 She came across as annoying and obsessed with thinness， which is gross already seems so outdated。 。。。more
Alli Wilson
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It’s refreshing hearing about a less neurotic parenting style。
Anna
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Some very pertinent advice but I'm mainly shocked at how suffocating American woman- and parenthood seem to be。 Very disappointed by the unquestioned， über traditional gender roles。 Some very pertinent advice but I'm mainly shocked at how suffocating American woman- and parenthood seem to be。 Very disappointed by the unquestioned， über traditional gender roles。 。。。more
Korrine Terroso York
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It took me 5 months to finally finish this book， so it definitely wasn’t 5 stars。 Having said that， it did give me many parenting philosophies to ponder， and I enjoyed the memoir style。 I found her presentation of French parenting to be a mix of persuasive and silly。 I could see how this book has likely influenced some parenting styles， as many of the described hallmarks of French parenting are currently popular with white， upper/middle class families。
Bailey Reichenberger
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Wonderful perspective and insight。 Light and humorous as well as informative。
Alli Shoemaker
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I LOVED THIS。 Impeccable writing。 I was raised 90% the French way， almost would’ve been 100% had we been taught to say “hello” and “goodbye” to all adults and actually lived in France。 I was telling my mom about it， and she was like “that’s how we did it！ We were French！”My parents have a successful marriage， and they have adult kids who like to hang out with them。 They kept their own lives， taught us to have our own with little interference （but with expectations and limits）， and as such， adult I LOVED THIS。 Impeccable writing。 I was raised 90% the French way， almost would’ve been 100% had we been taught to say “hello” and “goodbye” to all adults and actually lived in France。 I was telling my mom about it， and she was like “that’s how we did it！ We were French！”My parents have a successful marriage， and they have adult kids who like to hang out with them。 They kept their own lives， taught us to have our own with little interference （but with expectations and limits）， and as such， adult friendships came easily。 Seemed to work out。I copy a lot of what they did with my own kids。 My values are independence （including the ability to cope with frustration， anger and boredom）， awareness of others， reasoning， and confidence。 I think creativity flows best from limits and lots of freedom within those limits。 This whole book was super reaffirming for me。 And I can 100% confirm my kids do better with responsibilities， independence and limits。 They’re also taught to respect adults and wait。。。 they aren’t the center of the world。 And I think given American culture （read the last election）， we need more grown men who can exhibit self control and awareness of others。 I could do without the gross views of the female body in the book （in service to men） and the weight loss culture- one aspect of the culture I don’t love。 If my husband told me to lose the baby weight at 3 months I’d kindly punch him in the face。 That said， I do like how sexiness and motherhood are one in the same。 。。。more
Timothy Burbage
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This was an interesting read into how society dictates how we bring up children。 France has a very different ethos， and that has both positives and negatives。 The writing style was funny and engaging， and a clear amount of research has been done。France runs on the cadre， a tight framework of certain rules。 Within the cadre， kids can express themselves and be free。 Basically， don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles。As with almost all non-fiction for me， there was no narrative pull betwe This was an interesting read into how society dictates how we bring up children。 France has a very different ethos， and that has both positives and negatives。 The writing style was funny and engaging， and a clear amount of research has been done。France runs on the cadre， a tight framework of certain rules。 Within the cadre， kids can express themselves and be free。 Basically， don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles。As with almost all non-fiction for me， there was no narrative pull between chapters getting me to turn the next page。 One chapter was on something， and then the next was about something almost unrelated。 。。。more
Havaca R
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Loved the anthropological side of this book but I was tired of the book by the end。。。 I found parts of it very fast reading and other parts seemed to go slow。
Stephanie Feran
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So interesting to understand another culture's parenting philosophy。 Lots of great wisdom in here。 So interesting to understand another culture's parenting philosophy。 Lots of great wisdom in here。 。。。more
Dustin
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I found plenty to like about this book， even though the author repeats herself a lot between chapters， fetishizes the culture to the extreme， and by “French people，” means always “wealthy Parisians。” Her illumination of freedom within the strong cadre， autonomie， and the usefulness of frustration are my favorite concepts， along with more tactical advice， like keeping a pitcher of water on the dinner table and serving a veggie course first。 Looking forward to putting them to good use。
Teresa
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Quite simply， I appreciated this take on parenting。 I believe it's a bit of a skewed perspective to say this culture has it all figured out while this other country is all garbage， I appreciate some of the take homes here that seems to fit a general theme of happy family = happy baby， and trying to have a plan of where to be flexible and where to be firm。 Good length too。 Quite simply， I appreciated this take on parenting。 I believe it's a bit of a skewed perspective to say this culture has it all figured out while this other country is all garbage， I appreciate some of the take homes here that seems to fit a general theme of happy family = happy baby， and trying to have a plan of where to be flexible and where to be firm。 Good length too。 。。。more
Jessica Cornett Allen
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For it's genre it would get 5 stars！ For it's genre it would get 5 stars！ 。。。more
Anne
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Take it with a pinch of thought （as I think the author intends） and it's just a wonderful， funny， engaging look at the author's experience of parenting in France。 Take it with a pinch of thought （as I think the author intends） and it's just a wonderful， funny， engaging look at the author's experience of parenting in France。 。。。more
Katrina Summers
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There are lots of nuggets of wisdom in this book but it's swamped in misogyny。 It's very much only targeted at mothers and doesn't speak at all about the father's role （except for how mum should please him。。。*eye roll*） There are lots of nuggets of wisdom in this book but it's swamped in misogyny。 It's very much only targeted at mothers and doesn't speak at all about the father's role （except for how mum should please him。。。*eye roll*） 。。。more
Fairport Public Library
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March 2013， Holly W， Non-Fiction
Morgan Kern
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The organization of the book threw me off in parts and it sometimes got repetitive， but I enjoyed Druckerman’s analysis of French parenting and really agreed with many of her main takeaways:- Children are people and deserve to be talked to and respected as such。 That being said， parents need to be authority figures in their children’s lives。 This makes children happier and more secure。- I like the idea of building a strong frame of expectations and then allowing kids lots of freedom within that The organization of the book threw me off in parts and it sometimes got repetitive， but I enjoyed Druckerman’s analysis of French parenting and really agreed with many of her main takeaways:- Children are people and deserve to be talked to and respected as such。 That being said， parents need to be authority figures in their children’s lives。 This makes children happier and more secure。- I like the idea of building a strong frame of expectations and then allowing kids lots of freedom within that frame。- Family life does not have to devolve into chaos！ Kids can meet high expectations of behavior and family participation。 Parents can and should preserve their own identities。 - Expose children to a variety of foods （and continue exposing them over and over again）。 Kids don’t need to snack constantly。- Children are happier when they are given an appropriate level of autonomy。 。。。more
Madeline Doornink
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This is a long review because this book has fostered a lot of thought and reflection。 Every culture has strengths and weaknesses。 America has a lot to learn from France and France has a lot to learn from America。 The tone of this book is funny in a self-deprecating sort away that sucks you in and puts you at ease。 I’m coming at this book as a Christian， stay-at-home mom who probably has a bit of an authoritarian lean。 I imagine that someone else would have a very different experience reading it。 This is a long review because this book has fostered a lot of thought and reflection。 Every culture has strengths and weaknesses。 America has a lot to learn from France and France has a lot to learn from America。 The tone of this book is funny in a self-deprecating sort away that sucks you in and puts you at ease。 I’m coming at this book as a Christian， stay-at-home mom who probably has a bit of an authoritarian lean。 I imagine that someone else would have a very different experience reading it。 There were some things that made me cringe， some things that made me say “amen！” and some things that I’m still chewing over。 Main takeaway: Teach your children self-control。 They are capable of it。 It will be a huge gift to them， to you， and to anyone who interacts with them。 Edit to add: Learn self-control yourself， otherwise you can never teach it。The good:- The idea of educating children as something you do all the time as opposed to punishing them randomly。 - A more relaxed approach to pregnancy。 Just be reasonable。 Live your life。 “American women typically demonstrate our commitment by worrying and by showing how much we’re willing to sacrifice， even while pregnant; whereas Frenchwomen signal their commitment by projecting calm and flaunting the fact that they haven’t renounced pleasure。” Pg。 23。 Also， pregnancy isn’t an excuse to just eat yourself silly。 Eat balanced meals。 Allow your husband to leave the hospital and just get himself a snack。 - Good sleep is good for babies and good for parents。 Don’t rush to soothe your baby every time he squeaks。 Allow him a few minutes to figure it out。 Pause。 Sleeping well is something we teach， just like eating balanced meals。 - Teaching your kids how to wait patiently and deal with frustration will set them up for success。 I love the concept of “sage” or a certain wise， self-control。 “Having the self-control to be calmly present， rather than anxious， irritable， and demanding， is what allows kids to have fun。” pg。 61。- I found the picture of American mothers constantly shoving snacks in their kids’ faces to keep them happy so convicting。 “Apparently we have collectively decided as a culture that is impossible for children to take part in any activity without simultaneously shoving something into their pie holes。” Pg。 64 Ouch。 It makes our kids bad eaters at mealtimes and impatient in general。 Breakfast， Lunch， Tea Time， and Dinner are sufficient。 - Giving our kids a frame to live in， with strict limits but lots of freedom within。 It is good for kids to hear no。 Parents are in charge。 “It’s me who decides。”- Babies are people。 Babies can be talked to rationally。 - A call to take care of ourselves as moms。 To pay attention to what we eat， to dress up a bit， to not give up being our husband’s lover。 - You cannot be a perfect parent。 - Teach your kids to greet and say goodbye confidently。 Teach them to say please and thank you。 “Saying bonjour signals to the child， and to everyone else， that she’s capable of behaving well。 It sets the tone for the whole interaction between adults and children。” Pg。 157- Routine pelvic floor therapy。 It’s ok to take time to get yourself back together！- A general contentedness with husbands。 “I can’t do what you do。” Pg。 192。 - Embracing the hard work of helping children be good eaters。 “There is a rich world of flavors out there， which their children must be educated to appreciate。” Pg。 207 There’s no such thing as kid food and non kid food。The mixed:- Automatic medicated birth。 On one hand， natural birth is definitely an idol in American society。 On the other hand， to paint birth without an epidural as some sort of weird self-torture is just not true。 I love that pregnancy and birth aren’t such a big worry fest over there， but at the same time， it lacks celebration and tenderness。- Long vacations away from parents for children。 I am so guilty of not trusting anyone else to watch my kids。 It’s unhealthy。 I realized in reading this that it would be so good for Andrew and I and the kids if we left them with my family for a week while we got away。 But the emphasis on this in the Parisian culture seems like too much。 Kids as young as four going on a week-long school trip without parents？ Not in my life。 The bad:- This is not a Christian book and so there is no real foundation for why certain behaviors are ok or why parents are in charge other than it makes for happier kids and happier parents。 - The whole exultation of daycare and women getting back to work is very sad。 Yeah， I get it， the daycares are super fancy and the workers are super qualified。 But you are missing out on so much sweetness。 Stay at home moms are not automatically boring or oppressed or smothering。 For sure， those things could be a mark of a stay-at-home mom。 But a stay-at-home mom could also be creating a rich world for her children， free to spend time with them and serve， and have good boundaries。- A portrayal of breastfeeding as torture。 Formula is not the devil and it is a blessing to many mothers and babies。 But nursing can be a rich， lovely service to your baby if your body allows you to do it。 - A strong pressure to have a full time career so that you can be interesting， free， independent， because husbands can disappear， so that you can be socially useful， so that you will be content， so that you will have friends。 Yikes。 It’s so sadly ironic that later when she desperately wants more children， it’s a huge struggle。 。。。more
Darbie Gillen
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As with most advice books take what works for you from it。 I loved just peeking into a different country’s upbringing of children。 It’s great for perspective。
Rambling Reviews
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